The Beginning

I started this post because I have a long road ahead of me. Several weeks ago I read the Quran for the first time, and it had what I can only describe as a profound effect on me. I had been curious about religion and specifically Islam since I was a kid, having been raised in a relatively secular household (we had Christmas and Easter but with no mention of Jesus or church visits, what I refer to as "Hallmark Christianity"). I felt a need to find religion for many years, but none seemed to quite fit and I resigned myself to being an agnostic - not bad, really, but it felt like I was settling for less than what I needed.

When I read the Quran for the first time, it - quite frankly - moved me. It moved me to tears, in fact. I sobbed until I couldn't read the words anymore, whispering, "Thank you, thank you, thank you..." It was a shattering experience for a lifelong non-believer, for the daughter of a man who always scoffed religion, for someone who has no Muslim friends, or even devoutly religious friends, and who never saw this coming. Yet here I am, suddenly and irrevocably a believer. Part of me thinks I'm just going crazy... but most of me thinks that such a powerful response shouldn't be ignored.

All that said, I doubt I'll be a good Muslim. I'm WAAAAAAY too liberal to be orthodox, and even some of the more "moderate" elements of Islam are too much for me! But I think even becoming a bad Muslim would bring me closer to God and make me a better person, so I'm going to give it a try. I feel that religion is a tool for bringing us closer to the divine. Not every tool works for every job, or in this case every person, so you need to choose with intelligence and be open to new ideas. It can be a weapon in the wrong hands. Right now, I think Islam is the tool for me.